On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
