So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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