It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
