Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
