The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
