i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
