That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
