he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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