You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
