I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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