I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
