I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
