Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
