I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
