I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
