Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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