This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
