i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
