she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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