i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
