thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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