I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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