it was like eating out sand paper
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
