I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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