How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
