I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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