You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
