It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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