Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
