Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
