So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
