I'm so fucking centered right now
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My feet surprised me
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
