i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
