Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
