woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
