You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
