i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
