I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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