my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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