She's JV to your varsity
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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