shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
