I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
