So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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