the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well you can't waste a boner
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
