What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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