At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
