i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
