Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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