So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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