you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
