wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
