Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
