Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
false alarm, still single
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