I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
how can u be prego again
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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